Dr. Wayne Dyer is one of the most prolific writers and teachers on the subjects of psychology, Divine Love, and the spiritual path. I have enormous respect for the way he blends spiritual truth, venerable writers, gurus, and poet’s quotations, and his own unique humor and personal experiences into such a powerful message that seems to be applicable for all of us. He said:
You do not define anyone with your judgment.
You only define yourself as someone who needs to judge
I heard Dr. Dyer speak at a Hay House event in New York City. He held the audience spellbound for nearly three hours as he shared profound spiritual truths in the most simple language. He described how, as he became aware that he had just judged someone, he decided to correct the situation then and there. Many of us find judging so normal in our lives that we don’t even notice. We just engage the behavior, gossip, devalue others, pat ourselves on the back for our superiority. Or we notice and “fix” it. Or maybe we see the judging starting, but we are tuned in enough to delete the behavior right away. Then there is the step where the judging does not even start. Where do you fit in this picture?
Let’s make it a lesson:
Do you find yourself routinely judging others, complaining, arguing without any conscious awareness of this behavior? (Well, if it is unconscious, you might not be able to answer this part at all.) Let’s say you are in a check out line. The person in front of you is slow at everything. They can’t find their credit card. You are in a hurry and are seething inside. You might be calling them names to yourself or sighing and giving dirty looks. You think this is “normal” and you are justified. What’s wrong with this incompetent fool, you might think.
- Next step: Do you see it happening and, rather than letting it go, you put a “check” next to the behavior. Now you know you are doing it. You notice how angry you are getting and act just as in the previous description. But now you have noticed and something does not seem right to you. You are not behaving “normally.’
- Let’s say you notice it and it has affected another person. Can you correct it right now? You’ve noticed that the person is front of you in line is aware of your behavior. She has heard you sighing and seen your angry face. You stop and look at her. You stop the behavior. You say something like — I ‘m sorry, I am having a bad day or I don’t know why I am in such a rush or you give her some indication that you have calmed down and you mean it! Maybe you even try to help her.
- Now you see the judgement starting and you are aware enough to nip it in the bud. You just plain stop it! You know that this is a situation that would aggravate you. Your blood starts to warm up but before it can start to boil you relax your body and your breathing and you back off.
- Let’s say something happens, that would normally trigger your judging, like the scenario we are exploring. You can let it go. You can smile within and remember the old judging you and smile again at yourself. Now the check out line becomes a pleasant and learning experience because YOU have made it so. Congratulations!
Can you see yourself feeling softer, calmer, more loving. Do you start to notice that you have a lot to do with how you see and experience your world? Don’t you feel better?
I used the example of the check out line because it used to be a trigger for me! My impatience and tight scheduling (along with a big dose of ego) would bring about those reactions. How about you? What is a trigger point for you? What might you find to use as a learning experience? I’d like to know. But I’m not judging!
With love and namaste, Deanne
For more information, go to www.deannemincer.com